


lean on me

by Arlene0401



Series: Tumblr drabbles and oneshots 2016 [19]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Other, Platonic Relationships, mentions of character deaths, set between chapters 84 and 85
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 03:51:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8188543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arlene0401/pseuds/Arlene0401
Summary: After the events of chapter 84, Hanji and Levi take a moment to reminisce about their relationship.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kahleniel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahleniel/gifts).



> Requested by kahleniel with the prompt: "If you die, I'm going to kill you."
> 
> Since that says basically all you need to know about their relationship, it was fun to write!

“If you die, I’m gonna kill you.” 

 

Levi chuckled weakly, lightheaded with blood loss and exhaustion. “That’s my line, you know.”

 

A water bottle was shoved into his hands. “Drink this. Then I want you to rest. And don’t argue.”

 

Levi drank obligingly and passed out without noticing the bottle falling from his hand.

 

When he came to, he was wrapped up in his cloak, and Hanji sat next to him, staring into the distance. They had a million and one things to do, they must be nearly overwhelmed with grief, and yet they had preferred to watch over him while he slept.

 

“I have no intention of dying. At least, not anytime soon. You’ve seen what those kids are capable of when we aren’t around to watch over them. They’re gonna fuck up everything.” Levi picked up conversation as if he hadn’t slept at all.

 

Hanji turned around and smiled. And with an immense stab of pain, Levi remembered again that it was now only the two them, and how narrowly they had escaped death themselves this time. He sat up and winced slightly at the hundred aches in his body that kicked up a ruckus all at once. 

 

He guessed he was lucky he still had a body that could ache.

 

“You look like shit, Hanji. Although, not as bad as back then.”

 

Hanji’s fingers crept over their left knee, and he knew they remembered the day as vividly as he did. The day that changed their whole relationship. The day he’d first said the line to them that would become their own private running gag.

 

It had been about two months after his first disastrous expedition, after Isabel and Farlan had died and he’d dedicated himself to the scouts completely.

 

During training, he still refused to teach the other scouts his maneuvering tricks, and eventually they stopped asking. Only Hanji, with their limitless enthusiasm, had kept badgering him.

 

Almost in spite of himself, Hanji started to fascinate him. He still hadn’t figured out their gender, and had been unsure what pronouns to use, but they didn't seem to give a shit either way. They way nearly impossible to offend, and seemed oblivious of other people’s boundaries. It took him a while to understand that they weren’t deliberately rude, but simply placed professional curiosity and passion over convention and civility.

 

He could refuse to teach them, he couldn’t refuse them to watch and imitate him, though.

 

“Hey Levi, look! I think I have worked out your spinning move now!”, they yelled at him, fast approaching a titan dummy. They drew their swords and fired their grappling hooks, attempting to spin. Levi saw immediately that they had gotten the motion wrong. Their spin was badly balanced, they lost control and got tangled in their wires. They hit the dummy and fell, flailing in a fruitless attempt to retract their hooks and fire them again, but their leg and arm had gotten caught.

 

Hanji’s fall was abruptly and brutally stopped and their leg snapped up as their whole weight was suspended by their left knee.

 

“Shit!” Levi lowered himself until he could grab the lashing and squirming scout. “Hold still, I’ll get you down.” He slung one arm around their waist, reached up with his other hand and hacked at their wire with his sword. It had cut deep into their leg, and blood was seeping out of the gash and staining their pants leg crimson.

 

“Stupid… fucking… asshole… “ Levi grunted with exertion as he took them to ground level, where other scouts were already waiting. Someone applied a tourniquet and a temporary bandage to Hanji’s profusely bleeding leg while Levi kept scolding and cursing.

 

“If you die, I’ll fucking kill you, Hanji.”

 

On the next day, Levi visited them in hospital, although it was about the least thing he wanted to do. He was relieved to see them sitting up and reading.

 

“Oh, hello Levi! Sorry if I worried you. But you’ll see, I will get it right next time.” Hanji took a look at his murderous expression and fell silent.

 

Levi slumped into a chair next to the bed, looking at the opposite wall.

 

“They asked me why I wouldn’t teach you. Isabel and Farlan.” He glanced at Hanji, but they listened attentively, making no sign of wanting to interrupt him.

 

“I said it was enough that I was responsible for them, and I didn’t want to carry the responsibility for any more lives.” He leaned back, crossed his arms and scowled. “But it seems there’s no escape for me, no matter what I do, huh?”

 

“No, Levi, there isn’t. You’re a scout in the Survey Corps now, and as such carry the weight of your comrades’ lives, no matter how much you want to deny this. Whether you’re an ordinary soldier as part of a team, or a superior. Every action, every decision has consequences for yourself and for your fellow soldiers. You cannot stand aside and pretend it doesn’t apply to you.”

 

It was the closest they’d ever come to criticising him, and as much as he didn’t want to hear it, he knew Hanji was right. He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

 

“Yeah, well. Anyway, when you’re back out here, I’m gonna teach you. And the others. So you don’t fucking strangle yourself in your incompetence. It’s a miracle any of you are even still alive as it is.” He inspected his fingernails. “I have one condition, though. You take a bath beforehand. You reek.”

 

“Really?” Hanji lifted their arm and sniffed. “I haven’t noticed, to be honest. I’m always so busy I tend to forget things like eating or washing or sleeping.”

 

And so it started. Levi instructed the other scouts and was able to establish a whole new level of skill. No one matched his ability though, and no one was stupid enough to try and imitate his signature moves.

 

Some time later Hanji returned to training, unbathed, and Levi shoved them into horse trough.

 

“You know, you could have this with clean, warm water and nice smelling soap instead of horse snot.”

 

Hanji wiped water drops from their glasses as they climbed out, shivering. “True. Maybe you could remind me every now and again.”

 

Becoming friends with Hanji was a strange mixture of acquiring a mentor and a three-year old toddler. They were the smartest person he’d ever met - well, second smartest after Erwin - and ever since they had been entrusted with the research of the titans had developed an alarming degree of passion for it. And while Erwin was certainly not above some dirty moves to get his work done, Hanji could be downright scary. On the other hand, they were so focused on their work that they constantly forgot they had a body to take care of. In fact, stumbling over physical urges seemed to puzzle and annoy them. 

 

Levi took to dragging them to meals, forcing them to go to bed, and ultimately - however it had happened he had no clue - bathing them. Thus the secret of their biological sex was revealed to him, but now he felt it didn’t matter anymore. Hanji had no concept of gender, so he continued using they/them pronouns. While he lathered their hair, they kept reading reports and books to him until after a while their eyes drooped and they relaxed into the touch. He was more than happy and relieved when Moblit was assigned as their assistant, but their friendship continued.

 

During their missions in years to come, and especially after the shit hit the fan when the Colossal Titan and the Armored Titan breached the walls, Hanji was quite prone to injuries. And every single time, he heard himself say it. Like a prayer. Like it could protect them. 

 

“If you die, I’m gonna kill you.”

 

They watched countless others fall and die. New recruits, weathered veterans. They found themselves fighting a guerilla war against the King and the Military Police - a role that Levi with his thug past was cut out for, and the years of friendship had taught him that Hanji was  _ literally _ capable of walking over dead men to achieve their goals. The only time he’d ever seen them cry was when they were torturing those fucking titans, but they didn’t bat an eyelid at interrogating, torturing and killing humans. Maybe because the latter had brought their fate upon themselves with their decisions, while the titans had no choice in what they became.

 

And now Hanji and Levi were the last of the veterans. From the whole Survey Corps, it was them and his squad, and this Flocke guy, and they still had the task of finding and finishing the beast titan along with Braun. 

 

“Are you mad at me, Hanji?”

 

They looked at him, as firmly as they could with one eye. “Don’t, Levi. Don’t even try to pretend I have any right to judge you. Don’t try to push your own doubts and bad feelings on me. Erwin entrusted you with the decision, and he had his reasons to do so. If he had given me the serum, would you be mad at me if my decision opposed your ideas or expectations?”

 

“I wouldn’t,”, he said slowly. “I might disagree, but I wouldn’t be mad. And I wouldn’t question your decision.”

 

“Exactly. I don’t really understand it - and I guess you would be at a loss to explain it, right? But I know you did your best. Like you always do, Levi. I’m mourning. I’m clueless what to do next. I have to discipline those kids for their disobedience - don’t give me that look, Levi. I know they’re kids, and that they were out of their minds with grief, but their behaviour was inexcusable, and you know that. We can’t let them get away with that.”

 

Levi grinned. “Bad cop, good cop?”

 

“Hmm, more like bad cop, worse cop. They need to learn the lesson.”

 

Levi leaned his head against Hanji’s shoulder and let out a sigh. “Thank you for being you, Hanji. And thank you for being my friend.”

 

“We make a great team, huh?” They wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “You’re my best friend, and I love you. I mean, I can’t offer you romance or sex…”

 

“What we have is much more,” Levi interjected. “I need neither from you.”

 

Instead of an answer, they squeezed him lightly.

 

“Okay,” they sighed finally. “Shall we go and speak to them?”

 

“Yeah.” With a groan, Levi got up and brushed off his clothes. “And seriously… thanks for not dying today.”

 

Hanji smiled and ruffled his hair. “Same.”

**Author's Note:**

> The title is, of course, taken from the Bill Withers song.
> 
> You can find my SNK and personal blog under [glassesgirl0401](http://glassesgirl0401.tumblr.com)


End file.
